You can’t fit a square peg in a round hole. Believe me, I’ve tried.
So has my niece. My three year old niece is super smart. I love giving her gifts that challenge her and help her grow, ie., puzzles and interactive games (that’s the teacher in me). One year I got her a shape set. She had to put each shape into a bucket. She figured out the hearts and circles rather quickly, but she had a little trouble with some of the other shapes (stars, squares, etc). She kept trying to put every shape into the circular hole. She even started to grunt and tried to force a shape in the hole. But it didn’t work. After a while, she figured out she could get all of the shapes in the bucket by simply taking the lid off and dumping them into the bucket directly. See, I told you she was smart.
Life doesn’t work that way, unfortunately. You can’t force things to work or fit. There is also no lid to remove when things get too complicated. There is no getting around the required work and skipping to the prize at the end. I have learned that the hard way.
I am uncomfortable when I am in the wrong apartment or living situation. Then I have to move into a (seemingly) better one. Yet, in my haste, often the next situation turns out to be worse than the last.
That happened much more than I anticipated it would. In fact, in the first year that I lived here, I moved about 13 times. Yes, thirteen. My upcoming book details those sordid tales (and many more).
I get restless when I am working at the wrong job. So I often quit that role and redirect my focus to a career that better suits me. Unfortunately, I have changed directions more than once.
I am still trying to determine what my ideal career looks like. But I know myself well enough to know what it doesn’t look like. I know that I ultimately want to be able to create my own schedule. I want to have the means, and the time, to be able to travel the world.
I also know that I want to get paid to do something I love. It makes no sense to me to spend so many hours a week working at a job that I am not passionate about. It makes even less sense to not love what you do and to be struggling to pay your bills. When a vocation lacks passion, it sure as hell better make up for it in profit.
It is disappointing when I am in the wrong relationship (or in a situationship that isn’t going anywhere). No matter how much I try to focus on the good in that person, make excuses for their actions or ignore how many times they have hurt me (or I them), it ultimately has to come to an end.
When you feel like you have to beg someone to spend quality time with you, then something has gone awry. I was in a shituation once dating a guy that would make plans with me, yet would continually break them or reschedule. He didn’t make me feel like a priority. He also had the nerve to try to ask favors of me, even though he didn’t do anything to merit them. He should have put forth the effort to get to know me first.
Likewise, if someone tells you that they are not ready for a commitment, trying to change their mind is futile. If you feel like you’re campaigning for the presidency in order to prove your worth to them, then that is also a square peg.
Love shouldn’t be that hard. Actually, it isn’t. I know that now. I have learned that it is much healthier to just walk away if it is a struggle to make things work.
Whenever I am not doing what God has intended for me, it becomes glaringly obvious. If I have settled for less, then that is apparent. It just doesn’t feel right. All is not well with my soul. It isn’t until I start listening to that inner voice and waiting for divine guidance, that things seem to fall into place…and easily fit in the right holes.