I am the queen of procrastination.  I will put off putting things off.  I knew it was bad when I delayed reading an article about ways to stop procrastinating.  I told myself that I would get to it later, but I never did.  Why?  Because later is not a set time.  Later is indefinite.  Which means things left for later rarely get done.  There’s a cemetery somewhere filled with all of the things I’ve started, yet never finished or said I would begin later.

I often abide by the saying “Why do today what you can put off ’til tomorrow?”  Part of me likes the thrill of barely meeting a deadline and the anxiety of whether I will finish in time.  Most of my college assignments were done hours before they were due.  I even had to ask for an extension on a few papers in grad school.  I would still get As on them (even after points were deducted for it being late).  Sometimes my life literally comes down to a buzzer beating, game winning 3 point shot.  That can be exciting.  But overall, it’s stressful.  So, I want to change.

Mostly because I delay the wrong things.  Such like a tedious task at work, paying a bill, refilling a Rx, laundry, or more importantly, following my dreams.  Putting these off doesn’t make them disappear.  My to-do list at work only grows.  My bills pile up and some incur late fees (great, more money I didn’t want to spend).  My skin breaks out because I run out of acne cream.  I either spend more money on clothes, since I have nothing clean to wear, or I wear something old or ill-fitting and feel self-conscious.  Worst of all, I go through life working on someone else’s dream, at a job that isn’t ideal.  I love the company I work for, but I know I am meant for more.

I should practice more “positive procrastination”, e.g., when someone puts a tray of cookies or desserts in the pantry at work, it’s best to walk away and come back later.  By then everything is gone.  Dang, I missed out.  Not really, because my waistline didn’t need it anyway.  But if there’s a cookie left, it was meant to be right?

Admitting that I had a problem was the first step.  I have improved a bit and found ways to combat this issue.  If I tackle my to-do list at work, I reward myself by taking a real lunch away from my desk (or I eat that cookie dammit).  I have automated most of my bill payments (and I regularly review my statements).  I also set reminders for refilling Rxs in advance.

I’m still a lost cause when it comes to my laundry though (I’ve always loathed doing it, even when my old building had a laundry room in it).  I don’t write as often as I should either.  Yet, I’m getting better at making it a priority.

I am a work in progress.  I’ve come to understand the importance of living like I only have today.  I am more motivated than ever and have been inspired again to pursue my goals.  I want to jump on the “Black Girl Magic” train and ride it until my dreams become a reality.

One of my fears is that my obituary will be really boring, because my goals were left for later.  I don’t want to be haunted by all of the “shoulda, woulda, couldas.”  I will get out of my own way and start living the life I was meant to live.

What time is it?  Game time!