I have an interesting relationship with God. He (sorry feminists) and his son Jesus are my homies, but we don’t always see eye to eye. In fact, lately I’ve been giving him the side eye…
Like most of my friends, I grew up going to church every Sunday, all Sunday. There was Sunday School, sometimes Bible Study and then the actual 11am church service. That was either preceded by a committee breakfast or followed by an afternoon program and/or a luncheon. I was also in the Children’s, and later Youth Choir, so that meant rehearsals during the week.
Once I moved away for college, my church attendance lessened. Ok, I basically stopped going. Once I didn’t have to go (and when you live with my parents, you have to), I chose not to. That changed when I moved to NYC though. I was struggling to make sense of things, and missed my family, so I sought out a church for solace.
A friend of mine from Upstate suggested that I go to Brooklyn Tabernacle. I went and was hooked. The choir was amazing! I also attended a few bible studies with the Women’s Ministry. I was the youngest one there, but they inspired me with their prayers for each other and especially for me.
I moved around a lot, so I changed churches often. Some churches were better than others. Some would make even God scratch his head. But it was always good to have a place to go pray and to not feel alone in my trials and tribulations.
The pastor at my current church is preaching a series from the book of Job. That’s actually my favorite book of the bible. My father used to read the story of Job to me and taught me about the importance of keeping my faith in God, in the midst of troubles. Job had everything taken from him (his children, his wealth, his health, etc), yet he didn’t curse God. He questioned Him though.
I can relate to Job. It’s unrealistic to go through life’s ups and downs and not question the presence of God. I also question his reasoning behind the things that I go through. They say that you have to “trust in the timing of God’s blessings.” Ummm. That’s much easier said than done, especially if it’s been years and the situation hasn’t improved. I’ve been told that I need to PUSH, Pray Until Something Happens. So I do. But it can feel pointless sometimes.
My prayers aren’t very conventional. They never were. My God is not that fancy. He doesn’t need me to quote scriptures or use SAT words. Besides the Lord’s Prayer, my prayers have always been simple conversations with God/Jesus. They get even more casual when I feel like he’s “ignoring” me like, “Err, excuse me. I get that you might be busy taking care of an entire world and all, but please call me back when you get this message.” or just “Yo! Remember me?!”
One of my friends talks about having “Godfidence.” My daily devotional the other day (from Joyce Meyer) used the same word. I am learning to be more confident that God has my back and that things are truly happening for a reason. Yet, it’s hard.
Proverbs 3:5 says Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.
Most days I believe that. But there are definitely days that I have to ask “Are You there God?…”